every little thing... is gonna be all right.

About a month ago, i instituted a mandatory family rest period called, "Two o'clock Time Down."  this name is ridiculous, but it was the first thing that came to my mind on the spur of the moment that i decided to institute it.  my three year old doesn't forget a thing, so when i tried to change the name to "Family Rest Time" the next day, she corrected me and called it, "two o'clock time down."  basically, at 2:00 (or whatever time i actually get us all wrangled into a sane place) we all go to our rooms to have a 45 minute rest (or whatever) alone.  the 'or whatever' means that i am usually cleaning or catching up on my tivo and M is usually doing gymnastics off her bed, but we've got our own time.  the need for our own time was solely based on the fact that before she was two, my toddler stopped napping- completely.  so, for over a year, i've tried various things, but to no avail.
and, for the last month, i religiously put us into our "time downs" and we were on a pretty good roll.  she went into her room without a fight and i, if nothing else, got 45 minutes without any, "mommy, pretend you're a...", "mommy, where's my...", "mommy, can i have some..." "mommy, watch this..." etc etc etc- you get the point.
we've had a crazy last couple days and our "time down" was the thing to suffer.  i allowed M to 'rest' with me in my bed, or on the couch watching tv.  i messed up.  my kid needs some kind of constant, and this "time down" worked, until we went three days without it... today, we had one hell of a day.  M and i were at odds from the moment she woke me up at 6:45.  this doesn't sound like a shocking hour to most, but in my house, it may as well have been 3:00 a.m.  we do NOT get out of bed before 8:00- ever!  and, she not only awoke at 6:45, se actually wanted to do a craft at 6:45... ahhhh.  so, we were at odds from that moment on.  the climax was a fight that resulted in me taking her "DS" (a fisher price version for toddlers) away until thursday morning.  she screamed and cried for what seemed like days.  when it came time for "two o'clock time down", i'll admit, i was nervous.  we hadn't had it in days, and she was already exhausted and pissed.  but i plowed forth and called out the regular warning call (which is nothing more than yelling, "Two o'clock time down" to the house.)  well, you would have thought i told her that her biddy baby was going to the good will.  she looked at me in disbelief, then pure and utter anger.  after about 7000 "no's", i somehow managed to get her to stay in her room...
she stayed, but not peacefully.  she screamed at the top of her lungs, kicked the wall, kicked the door, threw toys at the door, screamed some more.  then she just got sad.  she cried big fat sloppy tears.  i heard her blow her nose several times.  she sang a song through the tears... she sobbed and sang, "don't worry.  'bout a thing.  every little thing.  is gonna be all right." <sniff sniff> over and over and over.  my heart broke into one thousand pieces.  i held tight though.  we made it through the entire 45 minutes without anyone jumping out a window- i considered this a huge success.
so, tonight, as i was checking my e-mail, i received one of those frequent subscriptions that ask you  "how do you know your child is okay/on track/the right height/weight/type, etc etc etc..." type propaganda that i signed up for on the first day i found out i was pregnant four years ago.  i rarely read these.  tonight's subject was, "7 signs your child loves you."  i got mad.  i hit delete.  i got mad again.  i have about 700 signs daily that my children love me.  i don't need some specialist telling me any part of that.  here's just one of the signs i received today (in the midst of our battling, none-the-less): when i knocked on her door to tell her that it was 2:45, and "time down" was over, and after screaming, kicking, yelling, sobbing, singing for 45 straight minutes through this much hated "time down", she opened her door wide to me, smiled and said, "oh ok.  do you want to come into my room and play barbies with me?"  it doesn't sound like much, but that was better than a dozen roses, a diamond ring and chocolates all combined.  that was the truest sign of love, all wrapped up in a perfect little package.  so, thank you, specialists for your concerns, but i know i'll manage to figure out my child's love, even on the most hellish of days.