There are few things that a mother can feel that a father cannot. The actual growth of a baby inside her own body is one of those miraculous feats that only a mother can share with her child. Another is breastfeeding. As much as I wished on many an occasion that my husband's teats would sprout a leak, they did not. And while i have been working toward the day when i could enjoy alcohol (without guilt), dairy (without torturing the babe), and garlic, i have to say, i was quite shocked and somewhat heartbroken today when i realized that no matter how many times i shoved my boob into her face, she was just not going to nurse anymore. somewhere in the late hours of last evening drifting forward into today, my baby weened herself. She is now a formula-fed baby. and i am sad. and that emotion is yet another thing that only a mother can experience. because no matter how many times i cursed the daylights because the baby would not take a bottle, and no matter how many times i wished i could have just one more glass of wine, nothing truly prepares your heart for the ache it will feel when you alone have nourished your baby for close to eight months, and now <poof> you are done. it's just one step closer to her taking the keys to the car for a night on the town. okay, maybe that's a big stretch, but it is sad. i am happy that she made it seamless, but i am sad that i will no longer enjoy that very personal ritual that she and i have shared so many times.
another thing a father cannot feel... the engorgement that comes with the bittersweet knowledge that this is it. today, as i shopped with my girls at our favorite wholesale buying club, i grew two bra sizes. the pain in my back, in my chest, under my arms was excruciating. i tried (to no avail) one last time to nurse her when we got home, but she would not. and that was when i knew we were done. so i will be going to bed on my back, wrapped up tight like a burrito, and waking up to cabbage leaves tomorrow. Then to wait the few more days until this entire event is truly through. and then, i will raise my glass (extra full) and raise it again to cheers the beginning of my new (old) diet and feel yet another joy and pain of motherhood.
I wish I had seen this when you posted - I am not good at keeping up with blogs (even ones I love)!! How long did she refuse before you stopped offering? Reese had a 3 day strike at 8mo but went right back to it like normal after that. Totally weird (to me) but I guess normal!
ReplyDeleteIronically, though, she weaned herself on this same day - Wed the 25th. That was the last time she nursed (5:30am) and even at 13mo I am a total wreck over it. I wasn't prepared at all!! And I can't enjoy as much beer as I want to because I'm freaking pregnant! Ha!!