i finally gave in and let the baby "cry-it-out" tonight. it only took her 35 minutes (which, while excruciating, was much better than i had expected) to fall asleep. i am, of course, waiting for her to wake up at any minute, so, we'll see.
my three-year-old, who is so much like me that it's amazing she can look like her father, takes on average an hour to fall asleep. tonight, we were on the two hour side of that scale. again (feels like deja vu to write this out), i spent over three hours of my night putting children to bed (simultaneously listening to screams and prepping the other at one point.)
i am (deja vu) exhausted. i am (deja vu) frustrated. i would wonder what i did wrong (i just did wonder that aloud for a ten minute rant to my husband- who is working), but i know this is just the way it is for us. letting the baby cry tonight was HUGE for me. we'll see if i can continue the next couple nights, if necessary. getting M to go to sleep on her own will be another MAJOR step for me. it will involve fighting, and crying, and when i'm already exhausted and frustrated, the last thing i have left in me is the umph to fight- or rather, the reasoning to fight fairly. but i think i'm heading in that direction.
because i need time at night. i need time to unwind from the day (in other constructive manners besides writing out my whines to you all!) i need time to talk to my husband (if he is not working, that is...) i need time to catch up on tivo, to read a book. to call my sister, my best friends. i need "me-time." and spending three hours putting children to bed does not allow room for ME. i am not selfish. i am just being realistic.
and now, while it's still early (relatively speaking), i am going to go to bed. i am going to not pass go, and skip directly to the confines of my sheets. i am going to pray for God to keep my soul and give me sanity for tomorrow. and then i am going to dream of the biggest, deepest Calgon bubble bath ever made. and on the edges of the tub will be tall and full glasses of wine, or champagne. and candles and a great book. there will be music playing softly in the fluffy white background. there will be no bedtimes, no children, no crying, no animals, no laundry, no mess... i am in near tears just thinking of this nirvana! good night!
Just to update: i have just had to change all of the sheets on my bed because, as we were getting ready to get into it, my husband realized that the dog had urinated all over it... we had to unearth the "summer" comforter and guest sheets (which normally live in my three-year-old's closet, but i lucked out in finding another set in our closet) and we had to change over the entire bed, and i had to run a load of laundry...
ReplyDeletei know that God has a seriously intense sense of humor, but really?!? i guess my Calgon bath will still be waiting. I hope! Maybe this will get me bottles of wine and champagne, instead of just glasses... maybe!
Seriously pup pup!!! Hang in there with crying it out. I know that is NOT what you want to do, but hopefully this will be a blessing and hopefully you can keep it up the next few nights. Glad it wasnt terrible last night.
ReplyDelete