Community Bound

We are all born into a community.  Our family is our first community; our town, school, friend-base, etc. become our extended communities.  Some of us excel at joining and forming these communities, while some of us just exist within them by chance.

When I was a child, i was a loner.  Anyone who knows me now (with the exception of a few of you) may not believe that this could be true, but it is.  I always thought i wanted to join in, belong, be part of things, but the second i got invited in, i would bail.  I liked drawing, writing and playing my video games more than doing what the masses did.  As i aged, through high school and college, the communities i belonged to were like extended families- we all formed by fate and we all worked well.

When i moved here, i did a complete 180.  I wanted so badly to feel like i belonged, that i joined EVERYTHING i could find.  I found a Womens' Group, i joined an Outdoors Adventure Group (before I was outdoorsy or adventurous), i joined book clubs and movie clubs and writing clubs and more!  When M was born, i joined moms groups!  i was constantly trying to find where i belonged.  Now, nearly nine years later, i am extremely comfortable and grateful for the people that i found and the dear friendships i have gained from my constant search for community.  I am also grateful that I have been able to stop the search.  I am 100% satisfied in my life, with my friends, with my community.

And now, here i am, on the verge of this newest chapter of our lives (i.e. kindergarten- as you may have noticed it's the fresh topic around here), i am realizing that i am going to be propelled into a whole lot of new communities (welcome or not.)  I am now part of the kindergarten class C4 community, the elementary school community, the neighborhood parents-with-kids-at-this-school community... the list may never end.  While i am no longer searching for these vast communities, i am a at good place in my life where i will no longer turn them away.  i will belong and do my parts to be active in these new communities.  Who knows- i may even find a community that is once again formed by fate that we can all live well in.

I will Survive!

First day of kindergarten; first day of my REAL life starting, and not one tear was seriusly shed.  Yes, there were a few renegades who held fast to the bitty corners of my eyes, but they held in there (i'm slightly convinced it was because i put on my mascara first thing this morning without thinking, and my subconscience knew i couldn't handle a tammy faye baker reputation on day one!)
Whatever it was, both M and i (and even the baby) accepted gracefully!

On a somewhat side ote, i am usually humbled by something daily. It could be the pink horizon at the end of a not-so-great day, reminding me that the future is bright. It could be a simple, but powerful giggle from one of my girls, reminding me to not take things so seriously.  Today, i was truly humbled by the sheer amazingness of my family and friends. I don't think a few minutes went by without someone checking in on us via call, text or email. The outpouring of love that M and i received today was truly breath-taking. I am grateful, as always, for the very wonderful people i have in my life!!!

Whole New World!

Some people are defined by distinct moments in their lives. Turning 16 marks an era of newfound independence. Turning 21 creates a virtually untapped world or whirl of fun. The other night, at my girlfriend's 30th birthday dinner, we spoke about the moment you feel like a real adult, with real responsibilities, and consequences. She felt that turning 30 was it for her. Another friend said having her first child, others may feel it's the day of their wedding or acceptance of a major job or profession.
I realize, as i am literally staring out over the precipice of kindergarten tomorrow, that this is MY defining OH-MY-GOD-i-am-for-real-a-grown-up moment. Not that i haven't lived through each of those other "adult" moments- i'm married, i worked my way through ladders of corporate mayhem, i've turned 30 and birthed two amazing kids. I've even moved nearly 600 miles away from my world to start anew!  I'm no stranger to the definitive moments in life. But this one, this placing my baby in the halls of a foreign land, sending her off into the wild to fend for herself (ok, fine, slight melodrama, i know...). I just feel like this is it. For the rest of our lives, my children will officially spend more time away from me than with me. Another person will hear M's funny stories and her friends will probably elicit more laughs from her than we will.
I'm excited for her, because she's excited and she's smart and mature and ready (way more than her mother, no less) for anything that comes her way!  For that, i am excited. For my own selfish wishing that i could spend the most time with her, i'm a bit sad. I know it will all be ok, i just wish it wouldn't be so hard to get through the now to get to the ok.

End of the World as We Know It!

I just sat down with B's preschool calendar and M's kindergarten calendar.  Holy Moly- are we going to be busy, batman!?!?  How did one (as would be me) get to add even MORE social activities to my (and my children's) already over-filled social lives?!?!

We're already double-booked tomorrow and school hasn't even begun.  Nor has sleep (for me.  thankfully, my kids CRASHED hard tonight!)

I have to drop B off for ballet/acrobatics at 10, then rush M over to a kindergarten picnic, then actually miss the eating portion of the picnic to rush back to pick B up form her hour and a half class... Then we have every single day booked from now until then with my kids' activities!  (with my one and only guilty pleasure s for myself: BRUNO MARS Concert!!!!!!)  And all of this is okay, except i feel like i'm in one of those movies that is making fun of parents' lives who are over-taken by their overly social kindergarten and almost 3-year-old's lives!

so, there we go... all aboard the Kindergarten Express!  As P and i said to each other yesterday (while looking through the mail and calendars and god-forbid-trying-to-plan-something-for-ourselves, etc): "This is the end of the world as we know it..." but i feel fine ;)

A long Day's Night

I think it's been nearly five months since i've written a post.  five months of nothing to say? Or five whole months of excitement, action, fun, and the remainder of loveliness!!!!!

Here i am in the beginning of august.  my daughter will be starting kindergarten in less than 3 weeks (and i praise those last 3 weeks, because up until two days ago, i thought she started in a week and a half...)

i'm not even writing about that yet, because i am in deep denial (1- that i have to turn my sweet angel daughter over to the state for 8 hours a day) (2- because i will miss her around me nearly 24/7) and (3- because OH MY GOD- my baby is starting kindergarten!!!!!!)

so, what am i writing about?  well, i don't know, because i can act like this whole kindergarten thing isn't bothering me... (like all those other moms who say stuff like, "i CAN'T WAIT for kindergarten to start- why did they wait the extra week?" or maybe... "my kid starts in a week.  what should i have done...?"  or even... "yeah, i got it.  kindergarten... whatever..." )

so, as you see, i don't discriminate on parental stupidity... if you WANT your kid in school full-time, this probably isn't the blog you'd prefer.... if you have no idea what to do with your kid to prepare for school, go on-line- there are seven billion resources (and then share them, please!)   If you "already got it", well, you may not learn anything here, but you could help us to love and grow and learn and feel... (And, we'll happily take your encouragement and advice as we all go!!!!)

If you want to know where i stand (besides BIGGEST procrastinator and NEVER-WANT-TO-LEAVE-MY-CHILDREN), then stick around... because here i am.   And there's that after my five month hiatus.  Enjoy your end of summer, All!

Sooooo long gone.

I haven't run more than a tattered mile in over a month.  Until today.  A glorious 46 degrees and a bright, brilliant sun gave me the stamina i needed to make it 3 1/2 miles this afternoon.  i was shocked i could do it, because it's been so long!  it was like this amazing shedding of stressed-out skin for me!  i haven't felt that good in... well, over a month.  i love the runner's high!  i just need to promise myself to make the time/energy to give that gift to myself as often as possible!

The Seven year (& 3 week) Itch

Most of you know that i've been playing single mom for the last three weeks, as my husband gets trained on all the exciting ins and outs of his new business adventure!  On a whole, the girls and i have kept sane and very busy!  Honestly, we have potentially done more in the last three weeks than we have done in a very long time!  Most of which- we've missed P terribly...

The major event over the last three-week-long-adventure was my experiencing whole-heartedly the Seven Year Itch!  I had heard and read and wondered about this phenomenon, but boy oh boy, did it hit hard!!!  (By the way, i've been married for 10 1/2 years...)  The itchy-itch is with my house!  Home sweet home and i are having some issues...
On feb 11, 2013, we celebrated our seven-year-anniversary in our home!  Seven years seems impossible as i remember in vivid detail every moment of that day!
But, here we are, one month later, one able-body down, and the house may as well be crumbling around me...

In these last three weeks without P at home, my dishwasher broke, then worked, then it broke again. It was just fixed after two visits from the technician, an hour ago!  Horray!!!!  The dryer broke, but did not regain a short-lived second wind like its cousin. Thankfully, my hoarding has come in handy as we have lived well over a week and a half on clean clothes... But it's going to be a long day of laundry when we finally get a new dryer!!!
I was convinced that our super-state-of-the-art sleep number bed broke the other night, too- but it's just tempermental and is fine now!

In and amidst the decline of my home, I also had to complete my final three weeks of my coursera.com class (including 2 papers), i consigned over 200 items at a big sale, cleared out our old storage unit, and have managed to get the kids to school (somewhat on time), me to work (mostly on time), and the dog fed (nearly on time) every single day!
We survived a three day surprise trip to PA and a 48 hour fever...

At some point, i managed to throw out at least eight trash bags full of junk that my genetically-induced hoarder children have stashed throughout my house, and even managed to keep my husband's work space clean!

Whew!  that sums it all up in a nice and neat package!  and, rIght now, on this gorgeous afternoon in march, awaiting the arrival of my long-lost husband (in 9 or so hours, that is...) i am relaxed. And enjoying it!

And i can finally say, as they always say, all's well that ends well!!!!