sic

i meant, american horror story... that has been bugging me since i hit post on the last one.

i owe.

i owe a lot of explanation to the teasers of last night's post, but tonight isn't the night for it.  i've been up past midnight every night this week.  i'm obsessed with a show on TV (american horror show on FX) that i need to watch my tivo'd episodes of.  and i am just so happy to have had yet another successful halloween party tonight,  thank you to my friends who made amazing dishes and awesome pumpkin pie martinis!!!!
the kids looked amazing (as did some of you adults!)  thank you for making my favorite holiday that much more awesome!


tomorrow, i will tell the rest of the other.

to come...

I have so much to write about; so many stories to come. Like about the baby walking, and talking. And my potentially making the worst parenting decision to date (it's really not that bad, but I rocked m's world, which is why I am writing from my phone in my nigh-light-lit bedroom with her sleeping next to me.
All of this to come. But now, I pray, sleep!

night off.

i'm taking tonight to relax, watch tivo, and drink a glass of wine.  three things i haven't done in way too many nights!  my children have been asleep for a while (and i'm guessing my husband has been, too, since he put M to bed and hour and a half ago...)  i am enjoying the silence of the house, the hum of the tv, and- oddly enough, the snore of the dog.  
while, in general, i don't know what i would do with my life if my house was clean, my projects were complete and my life was in order, it's nice to sit here and pretend that there is not a sewing machine on my dining room table with feet and feet and feet of crinoline surrounding it, halloween decorations strewn around the house as if decorated by a four-year-old (ummm, yeah), and an entire new load of laundry piled up on my chair to be folded.  i will just sit here and pretend that i live like everyone else- organized, tidy and up-to-date with life.  


i can deal with the rest later.  like in november!

Quick update...

So i cheated a little (with iron-on adhesives and hand-sewing the trims), but the girls' costumes are COMPLETE!  and so damn cute i could scream!  they have a halloween party tomorrow afternoon, so we're going to have somewhat of a dress rehearsal.  i am hoping that i don't have too much further work to do before the weekend... although i'm sure something will need to be tweaked here or there!  


and now, i am off to bed, finally!  my eyes don't handle the fine-tuned visual needs that sewing brings; they need to shut, for a very long time!  

We did it!

i have to say that today has been one of my favorite days in forever.  i absolutely adore my baby, and when i say what i am about to say, it has no reflection on her.  but, the baby slept for an almost three hour nap today, and it was one of the best three hours M and i have had in forever!  first, we played yahtzee for a while, then we set up the sewing machine and computer, and got to work.  After many videos on youtube and reading through the manuals a few times, my amazing four-year-old and i learned how to sew!  It was so fun to work side by side with her, and i'm pretty sure that she will remember this day for years to come; i know i will forever.  we stared diligently at the computer, rewinding when the steps got confusing.  M asked questions that forced me to figure out the answers.  So with her help (she has much better eyes and aim for small threading holes) and with my patience, we somehow figured out how to use the godforsaken machine!  now, tonight, after i sign off, i need to actually learn how to aim, stay straight, and keep up with the machine!  but, i think we'll have no problem being bumblebees by tuesday!  horray!


i love the fact that M and i share so many interests and now that every day she is getting more and more able to actually sit down and do things with me.  we laughed, and i almost cried (several times with the damn bobbin) and we created a lot of fun designs on our pillow case!  we just had so much fun!  i hope that our sewing adventures continue and that through the years i can teach her many more things about what i know and enjoy, as i know that she'll be teaching me a lot in the many years to come!  


I love you, MAK, you sweet and smart and wonderful girl!

Not yet

I've done no laundry and my sewing machine is still packed in the trunk of my car.  We did, however, take a hayride, buy pumpkins today, M rode a horse, and we spent nearly an hour in a corn maze.  It was a fun day at a farm, and although i did nothing of real purpose in life, we had a great day.  Tomorrow, i swear to myself i will do my two tasks for the weekend.  Tomorrow.  

heavy things

I've decided that I'm going to accomplish a few Small things this weekend. 1) I am going to finish ALL of the laundry in my house. 2) I am going to learn to sew and make the girls bumble bee costumes. Okay, maybe a bit more work than I'm thinking, but I bet I can get at least one of these feats done... which one?!?!? Hmmmm. We shall see!
Happy weekend, everyone!

Reading and Chatting.

Tonight was another wonderful night of sitting together with friends, discussing a book that we read for our book club.  Tonight was also a bit more than that for me.  Tonight, i realized something that i have been noticing in the past, but that became glaringly obvious while seven of us laughed and shared stories and related to characters and to each other.  This book club is one of my favorite parts of the month.  It is a refuge from my daily life of juggling time and energies amongst the masses.  It is a time that i can devote solely to my friends and our collective thoughts and feelings as it may relate to any given topic.  Sometimes the topic is based on the book at hand, but sometimes it's so far off we would have no idea where we got there from.  We are all so different yet have this one common bond that brings us together once a month to create a united bond that is somehow stronger than most.  I am thankful for this book club, for these friends.  I am thankful for monthly books to keep my mind from being lazy.  i am thankful for the thoughts that come from our discussions, and for the thoughts that come days after- still lingering from a word or sentence that someone left out there.  i am thankful, and as always, looking very much forward to next month, again!

Send me an Angel.

Lately, there has been a whole lot of talk about death in my house.  For those of you who know me well, this is not at all shocking, i'm sure.  i have a strange fixation with death, as i pretty much always have.  And with Halloween and Dia Del Muerto coming up, there's just so much of it in the air.
My daughter (who is now 4 and wants to know even more about everything than she did just a few short weeks ago when she was three and wanted to know everything about everything), keeps asking a lot of questions.  Mostly they run the line of, "Will i be 65 hundred years old when i die?"  I say, "yes."  Will i be with you when i die?"  I say, "yes."  "Where will daddy be when i die?" I answer, "With us.  We'll all be together.  Always."  
This is the norm, and i am okay with these questions.  I don't even care if i am very assuredly fibbing right to her face about a lot of the facts, facts that i will pretend to know fully until she knows fully that i don't.  I'm hoping that comes about the time when she turns forty.


The most recent question i got was an interesting one.  She asked if, when she died and came back down to earth as an angel (another fact i told her was for sure), could she come back as the angel in my belly.  The back story here is probably understood, but i'll explain it anyway.  She has known for as long as she could know, that before she was born, she lived in my belly.  And before she lived in my belly, she lived in heaven with God.  When i got pregnant, she was sent down as an angel to live in my belly until she could be born as my baby.  The same is true for her sister.  We haven't spoken about this in nearly a year, so it actually took me aback when she asked me.  I, of course, realized that she doesn't need to go back to heaven to be an angel, she already is one.  here on earth.  


I don't claim to have the right answers to life.  I don't actually claim to have any.  I know what i know for my own family and my own life.  And these answers that i give, and these theories that we live by work for us.  I know some families do not discuss death or heaven or God or angels.  But we live with them daily here in our house, so we talk to them and about them a lot.  We're not afraid of death, we just fear not being together.  So, if my four-year-old (or I, for that matter) needs to live this life with angels around her, then so be it.  It's a heck of a lot better than living it alone.

59th Street grooviness.

Tonight i was reminded by just how hard it is to slow down, stop moving too fast, try to make the morning last... well, you get the point.
While i was bathing the girls tonight, i was in a rush, or wanted to be.  I wanted to get them in and out, a feat that has never yet been overcome in this household.  I wanted them to get scrubbed and rinsed without moving (yeah, right!)  Instead, they started the entire bath off with a game that i normally can't stand.  M takes water into her mouth from the running faucet, then spits it in a stream at the baby.  The baby laughs hysterically, so M repeats.  Tonight, despite my initial intentions, one tone of the baby's laugh, and one shimmer of M's smile was all i needed to bring me straight back down to the reality of the moment.  The moment that i needed to slow down to enjoy.  The moment that ended up being the highlight of my day.  Watching these two girls interact, more and more independently every day, melts my heart and has my soul singing!  And it took a spit-upon baby to make me remember something essential- that in less than a blink, these girls will go through a million revolutions of growth until they end up teenagers, then adults, then... enough.  


So, i slowed down.  we took an hour in the bathtub, which is pretty right on par for us.  the girls had a wonderful time, enjoying every second.  as did i.  slowly.  

Many moons ago...

Many moons ago, I wrote a nightly blog, detailing the small moments of my life, or the huge milestones we had crossed.  Many moons ago, i was able to keep up with this nightly journaling, and even enjoyed it.  Now, i can't remember the exact day i last wrote.  I know that many milestones have passed in the last two weeks time.  Small moments, and big times.  My gorgeous and witty three-year-old turned four, an age that scared me to say, but made me realize that it just makes her four times more witty and four times more gorgeous.  
My baby, sweet, sweet, baby girl turned one.  She turned one on Friday and walked more steps than ever on Saturday.  And now, I'm waiting for the full burst of running to start.  
I have done nothing but think since Thursday night.  I have thought about this last year, how one year ago on the 13th, B was in my womb, and one year ago on the 14th, she was sitting in my arms, taking every detail of me in as i did the same in return.  We were meeting for the first time, even though I instantly had known her forever.  Over this last year, she has grown so much.  She started out so sleepy and quiet.  A good month or so in, she turned into Baby Wah-Wah.  She cried non stop for almost nine more months.  Maybe a slight exaggeration, maybe not.  In this last year, she has figured out how to share her emotions, without speaking a word- although verbal communication is not an issue for her.  She grunts and screams and coos and giggles.  She lets us know exactly what she does and does not like at all times.  She is an amazingly smart and beautiful little girl.
I thank God daily for the two little girls I have been blessed with.  The sheer joy that their being brings to everyone who is around them is enough to know how truly wonderful life is.


I am going to try to write again on a regular basis.  I am going to try to find the time and the energy to keep up with the kids, husband, house, work, family and friends... and my self.  I am going to rest more and get stressed less (or, again, attempt to.)  We'll see how it goes.  Hopefully I'll write about it!

My Godson and Me!

My nephew, C, is by far the most amazing boy I know in the world.  He and i have some sort of a kismet soul connection, and i adore spending any minute that i can with him.  Since we moved away (nearly 8 years ago now), i have missed spending time with him immensely.  Tonight, i shared an amazing adventure with him.
His birthday is in two weeks, the last in the long run of family dates for a while!  Since we won't be in town for his birthday, i wanted to do something special for his big 11th day (in the 11th month of the 11th year, no less!)  He had told me that he was saving up money for a customized baseball cap, so today, when he got home from school, i seized the opportunity to spend some time with him, and to get him a great birthday gift!  I surprised him with a trip to the mall (just he and i- something that NEVER happens!) and we went to the hat store.  After about 45 minutes, he settled on the perfect design on the perfect cap!  We thought we'd have to wait about an hour, but the man told us it probably wouldn't be ready until tomorrow due to the complexity of his design... we left only slightly deflated, because i really wanted to be with him to pick it up and see the finished product.  
We proceeded to my dad's, where we had a wonderful good-bye dinner.  just before leaving to head back to my nephew's house, we decided to call the hat store to see if maybe, by chance, the hat was done.  The man told me to give him 20 minutes and he'd call me back if he could do it; the store was closing in 45.
Twenty minutes later on the dot, the phone rang.  He said, "Come pick up your hat!  It's done!"  
We drove over with my sister, so excited to see it!  My nephew proudly received his custom designed cap and beamed all the way back to show it off to the whole family!  He asked my sister if he could wear it to bed!  
I love to see him happy!  I love to see him any way!  This was the perfect end to the perfect weekend!  I will smile every time i picture C in his new cap, beaming his proud smile, and knowing that i was a part of it!

Two Down... One to Go!

Today was Birthday Party two of three.  It was a wonderful family birthday party for both girls.  It was small and low-key and especially enjoyable!  And now we only have one more birthday party to go this month!  In one week's time, we will have survived October!  We will have survived three parties in three weeks.  We will breathe again, and not have to visit the party goods store for another year!


But until next week, i'll just be so happy that today was so much fun- a huge success!  The girls were so happy.  The baby hit her first pinata (and loved every second of it.)  They enjoyed being with their family immensely, and they got so many great gifts.  It was such a great day!  Thank you all!!!!!

Finally...

After 17,000 hours in the car with a perfectly happy whistling and singing four-year-old and one and a half screaming almost one-year-olds (only one, but she cried enough for at least half more), we are FINALLY here!  we are with family!  we are all settled and happy, and it only took the baby less than a half hour to feel completely at ease with her surroundings (especially the stairs!)  i am so excited!  and exhausted!  and everything in between!


good night!

not so daily blog...

i'm doing a pretty bad job at writing daily this week.  i knew that if i ever let one night go, then two nights, it would be so hard for me to jump back on board with the every night writing ritual.  but, i am here to say that i will make it my best effort to be here and present and hopefully have something somewhat entertaining to say.
this just may not happen until the insanity of october ends!
i'll try, though!  i will certainly try!

Three Days Overdue!

It has been three days gone since i have written on here.  These three days have seemed to last a century, and have also flown by in a blink at the same time.  I wanted nothing more than to describe in detail every moment of the time i have spent away from my computer, however, i am still exhausted from staying up until 2:30 on friday night to build the amazing dollhouse that M woke up to on her 4th birthday morning on  Saturday.  We then spent the entire birthday morning celebrating and opening gifts and playing, then i shipped her and her dad out for four + hours, while i (with some major help from a great friend) set up the entire surprise party decorations, food, etc.  
My husband brought my FOUR-YEAR-OLD baby into her surprise, and she reacted in only a way that a special girl like M could react.  With grace and charm and thanks to all.  And then the kid partied!  And partied and partied and partied!  We had friends here until well into the evening.  We made s'mores on the fire and told ghost stories while listening to music.  M was allowed to stay up as late as she wanted (the birthday rule my husband grew up with,)  but once midnight hit, i called the rule on the count that her birthday was over.  at 12:03 she hit her pillow, and i believe she was asleep by 12:04.  i, on the other hand, spent the second night of my weekend up until about 2:30 again, since that was the first time all day that my husband and i could actually recount our day,  and finally decompress after weeks of planning this surprise!  it was wonderful!  and magical and happy!


Last night, i went to bed at 8:45.  I was asleep by 9:00.  i went to work today as an "official" teacher, hired on by the school as of october 1.  and now, i am on my way to bed for the second early evening of the week!  and then to continue planning the second of three parties in a few more days!  


and i cannot wait to do it all over again, and again!!!