continued...

typing on myh phone, while it was next to be listed as a grateful item, is tricky... I lost my place and could not get back. So, I am grateful that the two days without a/c were the two nicest days here. Cool, breezy, heavenly. I am grateful that our tv did not explode like it could have. And that I can type and publish from my phone. Mostly, I am grateful that of all the things that could have happened, the worst of it is not so bad. Annoying, yes, but terrible? Not so much.

I am also grateful that my husband and I got a date out tonight, and although we came home a bit earlier than planned (both of my kids were far off kilter today/tonight), we had a wonderful running conversation that did not once get interupted by anything more than our mouths being full of good food and great wine! And for this, I am going to say my thank-yous, and go to bed!

the condensened version

On Wednesday afternoon around 3ish, as I tried to enjoy the first quiet minutes I was able to find (in the shower), the lights began to flicker. This was not too strange since they were calling for heavy storms. But then the lights began to flicker brighter... and brighter... and brighter until they were so bright that I had never seen anything like it. I jumped out of the shower and flicked the switch off because I was afraid the bulbs were going to burst.
I called into the TV room where M had been watching a movie. She said the tv haD been turning on and off. One second later, I heard a popping sound coming from every lamp/light fixture in the house. I FREAKED out! I threw clothes on quickly, grabbed the sleeping baby from her room and almost literally threw the kids on the lawn. I was seriously afraid the house was going to explode.

That was only the beginning. Within minutes of getting out of the house, a firetruck pulled up to my neighbors. Not long after, I began to get the story (from thee very nice fireman who walked through my house to let me know whether it was safe to go back in.)
Something caused a power surge to course through my and at least three other neighboring houses. This caused the crazy bright lights and the popping of every circuit we had. This also caused the death of my refrigerator and dishwasher. The oven and microwave recovered. The air conditioning was repairable (although not cheap.) The cable line had to be cut during the power company's fixing the surge, and the only way to repqir it is by climbing a pole in one of my neighbors' yard. This neighbor is away and has the 8ft tall fence to their backyard chained shut.

We will not have any cable/internet until 1) they get back into town, and 2) they coordinate with the cable company about when they can let someone into their yard.

We are also on hold from our homeowner's insurance who needs tto send a claims person out to assess the damaged appliances before we can replace them. They can't get anyone here until wed.

I am actually grateful on so many levels for so many things. We are all ok. The house is ok. The a/c didn't work on 2 of the

still ...

I am still writing off of my now, nearly dying phone. I had finally figured out how to write here but my phone is about to die. Will write more tomorrow.

still difficulties in the technical area

No internet service still (or cable, or air conditioning, or a refrigerator for that matter.) Typing this from my phone, although that doesn't work for some reason and I have to type in an e-mail, cut and paste here.
Whole long story about the power surge coursing through my house and scaring me half to death yesterday is forthcoming. Hopefully soon. Good night.

due to technical difficulties, my blog can not be written tonight. will write all tomorrow.

A Sad State of Affairs

While i was away on vacation, a murder occurred here in my city.  I live in a city, so murders aren't exactly uncommon.  However this one was unlike most.  This one happened in a nice neighborhood (one of the most affluent of the area.)  This one happened at a little after 10:00a.m. on the morning of Good Friday.  This one happened while the victim, a 64 year old executive (and ex Air Force Reserve) was walking home from having coffee with his wife.  He had two step-sons.  He had a wife he adored.  He had a career he was very successful at.  He had a full life.  And now, he is gone.


This story has hit me harder than almost any other news story i have seen in a while.  I guess because most of the news stories are about people in areas that don't seem like my own, and they are about people who don't seem like they could be me, or my husband, or my father, or my friends.  My husband walks to the coffee shop in our neighborhood.  I walk all over this neighborhood with my children.  This heinous crime happened at 10:15 in the morning.  Not that it is acceptable at any time of day or night, but 10:15 in the morning?!?  


I am in shock.  And in a state of sadness.  I am feeling fragile in this world again.  I do not want to be afraid to  walk down the street.  I don't want to be afraid for my husband to.  
This kid (it was an 18 year old boy who committed the crime) took away a life for what?!?  He was "only" intending to rob the man, someone was quoted as saying.  But he didn't "only" rob him, he killed him, and he stole a woman's husband and two boys' father-figure in the process.


I am disgusted.  my heart goes out to this man's family.  my anger will not subside, so i may as well end this rant.  i hope for the sake of the victim's family and for his neighbors who heard the gunshots outside of their doors, that this kid gets the fullest extent of punishment, although in our lovely city, most criminals get the benefit of every doubt and walk away with little more than a slap on the wrist.  we shall see.


RIP RLB.  I'm sorry your life had to be cut short, and that your family must go on without you.

And we're back!

I'm back from a week away!!!  Away from home, away from my blog, away from my running, away from my animals... and now i am back!
But, i'll tell you- my head feels like a very full helium balloon.  Imagine that each particle of helium in that balloon is a thought.  Imagine that I am reaching up there to grab any one of those thousands of thoughts and instead, i am getting nothing but air.  
i am exhausted.  we have just spent twelve hours driving a route that once took me eight hours (in my younger and much faster years.)  In the last few years, we have mastered the drive at about ten hours with children and stops.  But today it took twelve, with a baby and a preschooler and a husband and me.  
Besides the hunger strike that the baby went on (no nursing, no bottles, no anything because rest stops are full of so much more fun things to see and do!), and the last almost two hours of nearly bumper to bumper traffic, we really did great.
We had a wonderful week of family time, which both of my children soaked up more than an iguana in the dead of summer.  I saw friends that i haven't seen in way too long.  We enjoyed Easter festivities with everyone and got to experience some of the fun of the day-to-day lives of a 4, 10, almost 12, and just turned 13 year old.
We got home with that bittersweet taste of happiness (i cannot wait to sleep in my own bed!) and sourness (saying good-bye to my entire family, friends, and state of birth-and-being for over 27 years is never going to be easy, no matter how many years we have been practicing doing it.)
I hope to have both girls sleeping in until a somewhat reasonable hour tomorrow.  I hope to unpack and do laundry and hopefully relax at some point tomorrow, since we have to get right back into reality sooner than later.  I hope to be able to keep making this trip as often as we've been able to, and i hope to entertain my family this summer down here in our own little home.  I hope to always have this wonderful family to visit and to always have this beautiful home to return to.  
and on a much more immediate level, i hope that my brain returns to the normal level of thoughts and that my ability to grab them returns- soon.  because i have missed my blogging buddies, and i am excited to get back to you all in full force as soon as possible!

I DID IT!!!

Today was the big race!  My first ever and a big one, at that- a 10K, which in American, means 6.2 miles.  And I DID IT!  I ran 6.2 miles!  And I achieved all three of the goals i had put forth before the race.
1- Finish the race- CHECK!
2- Finish the race in less than 2 hours- CHECK!  1 hour and 28 minutes!!!
3- Don't be the last one across the finish line- CHECK!


Horray!!!  I am so proud of myself!  And for anyone who doesn't know me, you may not understand why this is such a huge accomplishment (although, I would say it is a huge accomplishment for ANYONE who runs 6.2 miles!)  I have never run before three months ago.  I began training for this race when my then three month old was still sleeping through the night.  Since then, she has decided to not sleep through the night, and not really cooperate during much of the awake times we share.  I have been exhausted and lagging in many aspects of my life.  I honestly did not know how far i would go during this race.  But i plowed forth and am so happy that i did.  I am ranking today's journey as one of my greatest accomplishments- right up there with child birth!


I have had a lot of support from my friends lately.  Two in particular have talked me through the in's and out's of why i could do this, and how i would accomplish this.  For this reason, and a zillion others, I am eternally grateful to K & D.  Thanks for listening to me whine and complain and question this whole crazy idea.  Thank you more for not even letting me once think that not running was even an option!
You girls ROCK and i can't wait to celebrate with both of you!!!!


I am happy and excited and glad that i decided to begin and complete this adventure!!!


And on one final note, i am declaring this upcoming spring break week a break for all of my 2011 goals/resolutions.  I am hanging up my running shoes for the week, and i am resting my typing hands.  My Own Private Waterfall will be trickling through my mind, but i will not be posting for the next week, beginning tomorrow.  I will be back, hopefully refreshed and ready to write about a whole slew of new things!  Enjoy your Spring!  Enjoy your Week!  And i will see you all back here on the following Monday!

the sights and smells of the city!

I love my neighborhood.  We live just on the outer circle of the city, where a ton of wonderful shops and restaurants and cute houses coexist.  we moved here primarily so we could walk to these restaurants, bars, and shops.  On my morning run today, i realized that there was so much more to our neighborhood than meets the eye.  in fact, it was what met my nose.  the smells that i inhaled in my hour journey outside of the house today were enough to, well, to write about!


It began with the smell of gasoline, because they have been running some kind of chainsaw across the street at a new apartment complex while they beautify the grounds.  It continued and continued and continued.  From hyacinths to cigarette smoke; garbage pails to fresh mown grass; dirt; lilac bushes mixed with the scent of cement being poured; dog stuff that hadn't been picked up; hot steam from a grate near the hospital; stale beer seeping out of almost empty bottles in overflowing recycling bins; the whiff of fresh baked breads and almost every kind of ethnic food spices you could imagine.  This list really could go on and on.  


It was amazing and icky and interesting all at once.  I had not really thought much about the varying smells one could encounter within a few blocks of home.  I guess this is one more new thing learned on my newest adventures in running.

I'm going to kick that 10K's a$$!

So, i haven't exactly been training the way i had thought i would, or the way i probably should have been, but really, when have i ever done anything in my life the way i set out to do it or the way i should have done it?!?  the race is the day after tomorrow.  6.2 miles on the only two hills in this entire city.  this is a very daunting distance for a new runner, who hasn't exactly been running. 
up until a week or so ago, i had no idea how far i would make it.  the baby wasn't sleeping, my husband was traveling, or the kids were insane.  in my down time i wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch and rest (or drink wine- which, while very relaxing, is not so good for the motivation of running!)  
but something snapped in me.  actually, it was my very good friend, K, telling me that running was all mental.  she told me that there was no way i wouldn't finish the race.  so, i basically had to forget about the physical part of it (which i had of course been focusing on) and switch gears.  and this switched every gear in my body (and luckily my mind).  when approached as a mental task, i can totally do this.  my mind (as everyone's) is the strongest muscle in my body.  i have delivered two babies with no pain medication, had stitches with no novocain, and i currently nurse a baby who teethes on my body as if it were a rubber ring (almost more painful than childbirth sans an epidural).  my mental powers of pushing me through these instances have never even waned.  so, of course they won't settle for anything less than success on saturday.
ever since i put the mental spin on my running regimen, i've been doing great.  running farther, with more speed (although speed is the LAST thing on my mind for saturday.  i just want to finish.)  my stamina is up, my stress is down.  besides the snags i've encountered with the baby not wanting to let me run, i've gotten really into this!  which is kind of exciting, because it takes a lot to get me excited over anything exercise or physically-fit related.


so, i'm excited for saturday!  i'm ready to do this, and have already decided to run a 5K in early may!  this may be my "thing."  now i am going to bed having accomplished my goal tonight (i wanted to run five miles and i made it 5.15!  yay!)  and i am going to dream of the biggest, tallest mug-o-beer i can imagine waiting for me at the end of the race on saturday morning (yes, morning, but it wouldn't be the first time i had beer at 9:00 a.m.)  and then i am going to kick the crap out of the 10K!  Woo!

lessons learned...

i try to learn at least one new thing a day.  this can vary from the dictionary.com words sent to me, to a jeopardy clue i've never heard of to a new recipe i've never tried.  but, to be completely honest, the majority of new things i learn each and every day come from my children.  or at least from the circumstances surrounding them.
today, i learned a lot!
1- do not even attempt to run around the park with a baby in her very comfortable jogging stroller if said baby has already made it clear that she doesn't want to leave the house (by crying.  a lot.  over and over and over.  she will not stop crying, no matter what you do at the park, in the car, anywhere on earth, until you return her to the house she wants to be in.)
2- do not go shopping at the world's largest wholesale shopping club if your trunk is completely full of: three folding chairs, a tent, an umbrella stroller, a cooler, and a very comfortable jogging stroller.  you will end up with a box of granola bars on your stick shift and a six pack of baby food rice puffs almost on your lap. (and diapers in your view of the entire rear window, and juice boxes under your children's feet, etc. etc. etc.)
3- do not EVER make a deal with a three year old that you are not willing to have broken.  i knew this at 1:05p.m. when i made said deal (as in, "ok, you can play on the playground, but that means you cannot get your hair cut until tomorrow,"  she says, "okay."  i say, "do not ask me in two hours to go get your hair cut.  it's not happening until tomorrow."  she says okay... two hours later, she has a massive melt-down in the parking lot because we're not going to get her hair cut...)
4- do not leave your house at 9:00a.m. and return at 4:25p.m. for a quick change, snack and to nurse the baby - when soccer starts at 5:00...  it will surely mean exhaustion on all counts of all parties for the rest of the night0 and possibly week!  


i'm sure i learned a lot more today.  i feel very smart at varying points throughout the days.  but right now, i feel drained and ready for bed, especially in anticipation for a very early wake-up for the hair cut that we did not get today, but will most certainly be getting at the opening of the salon tomorrow!

broken back, sore teeth, ear infection, and so much fun!

i wore the baby on my chest for just about four and a half straight hours today.  we went to a kids museum where they had interactive settings like a grocery store, fire station (complete with pole that my daughter danced around... thank god her father wasn't there!), an airport, etc.  they also had a section devoted to babies, so for about twenty minutes out of the 4 1/2 hours, i did have the baby off of me.
why didn't i put her in a stroller, you ask?  first, i am pretty much anti-stroller.  second, i would have used a stroller if i had known we'd spend that much time there (or anywhere).  i honestly thought we'd be lucky if we made it two hours.  but once the seven zillion grade school kids left (an hour and a half after we got there), the place was all ours.  i mean, there were maybe ten other families total in the whole place.  and, my children are just like me.  we linger; we dawdle; we have no sense of time.  so, really, how we could we leave?!?  if the baby hadn't thrown a complete fit, we would probably still be sitting in the under-sea adventure room.
and then i got home (five hours after we left it) with a splitting head ache.  and then i realized that i've had this headache for well over a week now.  it could be exhaustion (for obvious reasons), or allergies, or stress (i definitely overbooked myself this week, for SURE!).  i thought i might have felt the beginning of a tooth ache, or possibly an ear infection?  who knows.  all i know is that my head has been killing me, my back is now in almost as much pain, and my 10K (you remember that thing i talked about 700 years ago... Are you (10K)idding me?!?) is in four days.  i have no time to run, let alone pack, make easter gifts, make birthday gifts, shop for diapers, or clean this house.  and now my 3 year old is dead set on getting her hair trimmed (because i made a stupid comment about that from another room, under my breath, a week ago.)  and i have to get new tires on my car.  all by saturday.


and i wonder why i have a head ache.  or why i lingered for four plus hours in a children's museum (instead of bucking up and doing my chores!?!)


well, today was so much fun, i wouldn't have traded it for the world.  and that, my friends, is one of my mottos in life.  who cares about what you HAVE to do, when there are so many more fun things that you COULD be doing!  and with that said, i am off to FINALLY catch up on tivo!

giving in.

sometimes i feel like my posts must read like a broken record.  blah, blah, blah.  but i really do not understand why my children (okay, oldest child) has such a hard time going to sleep.  one week ago (actually slightly less than a week ago), we instituted a new rule.  We sat her down after dinner and explained the new bedtime rule.  We told her exactly how it was going to work, and she said OKAY.
The rule is simple- whoever puts her to bed reads two stories, says good night, turns out the light and leaves.  my husband has been doing this every night since, and every night since, it has worked like a dream.  until tonight.  when it was my turn to put her to bed.  before we went in there, i went over the rules.  i even had her tell them to me, so i knew she knew how it was about to work.  she was all fine with it.  we read our two stories, and after the second, she matter-of-factly said, "that was two stories."  i said good-night.  i turned off the light.  i left.  that was 25 minutes ago.  she has been screaming and crying for me ever since.  i can't give in.  i can't go in, because i know it will just turn into another 25 minutes, and another 25 days of this.  but it kills me.  i don't care how old my children are, whether they're 6 months or 3 years old, i cannot stand to hear them cry.  it truly kills me.  but i've been a pushover for way too long.  i am sitting out here on the couch with two loads of laundry to be folded, and instead i am stifling the sounds of her cries with the sounds of my typing.  hopefully she'll conk out soon.  hopefully this will be the only time we run into this snag.  hopefully i'll stop giving in altogether.  hopefully.

My own person Easter Bunny!

I love my husband.  I love him for the obvious reasons anyone loves the person she chooses to  spend the rest of her life with.  I love him for far many reasons beyond.  But today, I love him because he is truly the best sport in the world.  During the 80+ degree, full-sun afternoon, my loving husband (and best father EVER) dressed up in a full body Easter Bunny suit, complete with full-coverage head mask (and limited breathing and sight capacity.)  You may think that a six-foot-three inch bunny would scare even the bravest of brave three-year-olds, but no... these kids LOVED him!  Even kids who were not part of our class picnic came over to have their pictures taken with him.  My children had no idea it was their father (well, the baby may have been on to him, but M surely did not know!)  
My favorite part was that he said hi to each child by name, and for some (one little girl in particular), this was the greatest treat of all.  She kept walking around saying, "the Easter Bunny even knows my name!" (in a tone fitting a 12-year-old girl infatuated with justin beiber... <sigh>).  It was precious!  
When the egg hunt was over and everyone had taken their turn for a picture (some parents included), the Easter Bunny headed out to 'hide more eggs for more children!'  Ten minutes later, M's daddy arrived, and she told him that he had just missed the Easter Bunny.  Then (and i leave these kinds of things to only a child like mine), she said, "And daddy, he has the exact same sneakers as you!"  I swear, this kid cracks me up!


So, not that i needed another reason to add to the millions i already have, but I love that Easter Bunny!  I love M & B's father!  I love my husband!  

Technology.

The main problem with technology is that it is never ending.  There will always be the "next best thing" coming out.  And people like me, well, we are always going to want that thing.
Five years ago, we devoted an entire mega bonus check of mine to a state-of-the art home theater system, complete with in-ceiling speakers and the latest gadgets of the time... Here we are, a short five years later with a broken DVD player (M's fault) and a blown out subwoofer (my fault, oops.)  So, we decided it was finally time to update.  We got a subwoofer, and decided to go an extra mile, and upgrade to the latest and greatest blu-ray player.  
At first, I had not idea what the difference could be, or why we would ever need such a thing, but OH MY GOODNESS!  In a past life, I was a tech-thirsty girl, and turning this blu-ray player on was like jumping right back!  this thing is INSANE!  I am in heaven.  No, I am in LOVE!
But, the problem now arises that, after watching our first couple blu-rays, we are feeling like maybe the tv is a bit too small (it's not)...  And after seeing what amazing things the blu-ray player has to offer, i'm thinking that maybe my phone is not exactly where it could be (though it is)... it's as if this blu-ray player is the gateway drug.  i can't just stop at it, i must have MORE!!!
but, with life being the way it is, and priorities not being focused on my sound-system and home theater (but rather my two beautiful girls who don't know the difference between analog and digital), i think this blu-ray splurge may be the last of its kind for possibly another five years.  but that's okay. if it's the only thing i get for the next five decades, i'm okay.  it definitely has enough built-in fun to last me the time...  and since my tech-y days seem to be in the distant past, it may even take me those decades to figure out how to use this thing!  but i'm ready to take on the challenge!  just me and my new best friend, mr. blu-ray!

Art Show...

Tonight, M's school hosted an art show.  I absolutely adore her school and think it is the most amazing place on the planet.  Tonight was no exception.  The teachers and staff set up a huge room full of the children's art, and we (the parents) purchased it (all as a fundraiser for the school.)  
I love seeing kids' art.  I truly think they have that naked creativity that so many of us lose after years of being "guided" into the "right" way to do things.  2, 3, and 4 year old kids haven't been "led" yet, so they create without abandon.
If i could have, i would have purchased some of the art that wasn't even my own kids (that's how amazing this stuff was!)  I did bid on a huge painting done by M's whole class.  It was a gorgeous impressionist rendition of lilacs and all of the kids used their fingerprints to make the petals.  I hope we get it!  we'll find out monday!


My favorite part of the evening, though, was talking to M's teachers.  They reiterated a fact that I know and love-  My child LOVES to create.  And she's good at it.  She gets so into her zone while she's working (mixed media is her favorite, and when she paints, she usually includes body parts in addition to brushes), and she really thinks things out and focuses (probably the only time ever) on what she's doing.
Today, before the show, she asked me to help her make two big easter lilies, so she could decorate them for her daddy.  so, i drew out two big easter lilies on two pieces of paper.  the creation that came from these two pages was amazing!  she used heart stickers to fashion the stem of one.  on the other, she drew a miniature picture of herself, sitting under the lily, with her five fingers spread out like a fan (this was her description, not mine.)  


i am excited to hang up her pieces tomorrow- both from the art show and her gifts to her father.  although it's getting harder and harder to find walls in this place, since i, of course, marvel at each one of her pieces and hang up nearly every single thing she makes.  if we build that addition, i know one thing it will be great for (besides storage and additional room)- more wall space for my kids' awesome art!!!

Summer hours...

Some businesses enjoy summer hours, well, so does our household.  And tonight was Night 1 of such wonderfulness!
My thoughtful husband picked up a sun-shade canopy on his way home from work tonight (one that i have been talking about getting for weeks now).  And, he even came home early, too!
we set it up in our yard (hello, WT) and sat under it and enjoyed some beers!  M played, and the baby played, and we all had an amazing afternoon-into-evening!
And then i went inside to check on dinner (thinking it was maybe 6), and it was already 7:30!!!  So... we ate slightly over-cooked chicken at 8, and put the baby to bed at 8:30.  P is putting M to bed now.  we're a bit late, but who cares!?!  we enjoyed this GORGEOUS day, and each other!  And music!  
It was a Thursday night party at the K-house!  


And now, i am ready for bed.  because it's not summer yet, so we do have to get up for school tomorrow, and work, and other incidentals.  but hopefully summer hours will continue, and the kids will continue to comply.  and we can enjoy the beautiful weather that our beautiful city has to offer us more often than not!

Adventure.

i am linking up to another blog that i follow, called mommy words.  brittany, the faithful blogger, is hosting a series called, What's Your Word?

Each week, she will feature a word that other bloggers, vloggers, etc. can use to spark creativity in their own posts.  The series is to start on Monday, the 11th, and the first word is ADVENTURE...  

So here goes:

In my every day life, i enjoy all sorts of adventures several times a day.  It is an adventure to even walk into the grocery store with two kids, let alone spend an hour and a half there.  it's an adventure opening the refrigerator in the morning to decide what to make for breakfast, since M leaves little trinkets on the shelves now (this morning there was a pacifier and a star mask.)  it's an adventure to spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week, week after week, month after month with small people who need you for nearly every single function of their lives.

and today's featured adventure-  we ran.  i ran just about three whole miles through the streets of our neighborhood with the new (used) double-jogging stroller.  M stopped me about 432 times to ask me where we were going, when we'd get home, when she could run with me; or to tell me watch out for the red light, yellow light, green light, cars (that were four lanes away), etc.  the baby slept (thank GOD!) and we hit every single light, busy stop sign in town, so it was not a quick trip.  but, it was gorgeous out, so i didn't mind the hold ups.  

about 1.88 (okay, exactly 1.88) miles into our adventure, we stopped at the park, so M could run with me.  the kid was definitely programmed  for athletics in a way i could never dream to be.  in her skinny jeans and "ruby reds" (her hot pink patent leather shoes that she wears everywhere right now), she ran faster and steadier than i could ever hope to.  she ran and ran and ran.  then the baby woke up, and i knew our adventure would soon have to come to an end.  i wrangled up the runner and we headed home.  the last 1.2 miles home would have been quiet, since my little friend's voice relaxed all the way back, but i think that was just because the baby cried.  for the entire 1.2 miles home.  and that made for an entirely different kind of adventure, the kind that tests your sanity and stamina and many other things all at the same time.  but we made it.  all three of us came home in one piece.

so that was our big adventure today.  i'm sure we'll experience another one of another sort tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after. that's what our life is, many little adventures pooled together to create the stories of our lives.

where am i?

i took a long hot shower tonight.  i didn't even really need one (meaning i could have held off till tomorrow), but i felt the need to just sit and soak in ultimate heat.  so i did.  then i thought of a funny anecdote to tell tonight (since when i went into the shower, my baby had fallen asleep after ONLY ten minutes of crying- YAY, and my three-year-old was being put to bed by my husband!  Double-Yay!)  
i came out all ready to post and go to sleep early!


but, instead, i came out to my husband huffing out of M's room, and M immediately breaking into screaming crying.  you know, because i finally figured out the baby, now to the preschooler is going to throw me for a loop... i went in to intercede.  she and i ended up fighting.  same story, different channel.  she was exhausted.  she said she was hungry, which pretty much gets us every time (i mean, how can you send your kid to bed hungry?!?)  but, we're  wise to her antics now, hence the fighting.  don't worry, i know she wasn't really hungry, because i offered to bring her wheat thins- she said no, she wanted cookies.  the starving do not turn away crackers, my friends.  she finally fell asleep, whispering that she would get a cookie.  hopefully she dreams of one!


so now, i can't remember where i was.  i have no idea the anecdote i was going to tell.  i can't even remember whether i had intended to start a new book tonight or wait till tomorrow (now i am waiting until tomorrow.)  so... i am going to bed.  because i have nothing else to do (that's a lie, but bed is the best alternative to the laundry, dishes, kitchen, etc. that i need to do...)  and i wish i could remember that story.  because it was much more fun that dealing with bedtimes... AGAIN!

yet another night lost to bedtime...

i finally gave in and let the baby "cry-it-out" tonight.  it only took her 35 minutes (which, while excruciating, was much better than i had expected) to fall asleep.   i am, of course, waiting for her to wake up at any minute, so, we'll see.
my three-year-old, who is so much like me that it's amazing she can look like her father, takes on average an hour to fall asleep.  tonight, we were on the two hour side of that scale.  again (feels like deja vu to write this out), i spent over three hours of my night putting children to bed (simultaneously listening to screams and prepping the other at one point.)
i am (deja vu) exhausted.  i am (deja vu) frustrated.  i would wonder what i did wrong (i just did wonder that aloud for a ten minute rant to my husband- who is working), but i know this is just the way it is for us.  letting the baby cry tonight was HUGE for me.  we'll see if i can continue the next couple nights, if necessary.  getting M to go to sleep on her own will be another MAJOR step for me.  it will involve fighting, and crying, and when i'm already exhausted and frustrated, the last thing i have left in me is the umph to fight- or rather, the reasoning to fight fairly.  but i think i'm heading in that direction.
because i need time at night.  i need time to unwind from the day (in other constructive manners besides writing out my whines to you all!)  i need time to talk to my husband (if he is not working, that is...)  i need time to catch up on tivo, to read a book.  to call my sister, my best friends.  i need "me-time."  and spending three hours putting children to bed does not allow room for ME.  i am not selfish.  i am just being realistic.
and now, while it's still early (relatively speaking), i am going to go to bed.  i am going to not pass go, and skip directly to the confines of my sheets.  i am going to pray for God to keep my soul and give me sanity for tomorrow.  and then i am going to dream of the biggest, deepest Calgon bubble bath ever made.  and on the edges of the tub will be tall and full glasses of wine, or champagne.  and candles and a great book.  there will be music playing softly in the fluffy white background.  there will be no bedtimes, no children, no crying, no animals, no laundry, no mess...  i am in near tears just thinking of this nirvana!  good night!

a sentimental heart.

tonight, well, minutes ago, actually, i re-put the baby to sleep.  this was after putting M to sleep and singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star for (no exaggeration) 27 minutes straight.  Every time i stopped, she'd roll over to tell me that she wasn't asleep yet.  I may have no voice left tomorrow.  


Anyway, back to the baby.  Tonight, as i watched her re-fall asleep, it reminded me of how i used to watch her fall asleep as a newborn. Her teeny tiny slits of eyes would flutter while an unsure smile would flash across her milky-wet lips.  This, of course, sent shivers down my spine.  How can she be almost six months old already?  How can this be the last time (god-willing) that i get to watch a teeny tiny newborn grow so rapidly before my very eyes?  How can my first born already be 3 1/2 years old, smart as a whip and agile as a rabbit (are rabbits known to be agile?)?  And how does this all happen in the blink of an eye?
My sentimental heart cherishes each and every moment i spend with these girls.  My sentimental heart looks forward to bigger and grander milestones someday.  But tonight, my sentimental heart wanted to stop time and watch that teeny tiny face stay exactly as it was six months ago, exactly as she looked tonight, forever.

if you think you're going to jinx yourself, stop talking.

my entire post yesterday proved to be one big fat april fool's joke on myself!  neither of my children slept last night- AT ALL.  in fact, i am working off of three hours of sleep total.  here's the recap:
7:30p: I put the baby to sleep.
8:30p: P puts M to sleep.
9:00p: I re-put the baby to sleep; P is still putting M to sleep.
10:00p: Everyone is asleep, so P and I watch a movie that we've had for weeks.
12:30a: Movie ends; we attempt to go to sleep.
12:35a: Simultaneous cries from either end of the hall.  So simultaneous, that P and i have to listen to see who is crying and it takes us a minute to realize it's both.  He goes to M, I go to B.
1:00a: B falls back to sleep; I go to M's room where she is still screaming and now writhing in stomach pain.
1:30a: M is still in pain, i want to go to the ER; P is webmed'ing symptoms (evidently, stomach pains in the night are not urgent. especially when she's had chronic pain for months/years.)
2:00a: we put M in bed with us and put on the worst show ever made (EVER) Oobi.  she forgets her stomach pain for a while.
2:30a: Fight with M that she does, in fact, have to go back to sleep.  She fights back, meaning her stomach feels better.  We move the fight into her own room.
2:35a: M crashes in midst of fight.  B wakes up screaming.
3:30a: B finally falls back to sleep.
3:35a: I get into my bed for the first time all night.  I crash.
6:30a: B wakes up, for good.


i would have cried if my eyes hadn't felt like they were bleeding. 


So, from this point on- no more happy news about anyone sleeping.  because i cannot afford to jinx myself that badly again.

Not an April Fool's joke!

The baby slept from 8 until 4:30!  Eight and a half hours!  I, of course, did not sleep from about 1-4:30, because i was terrified of why she was not calling me.  i debated on checking on her, but was good and stayed put!
she was fine!
and happy!
and, unfortunately, wide awake at 4:30a.m. because she had gotten such a great sleep!  so, we were up until almost 5:30... but, who cares.  she slept from 8 until 4:30!!!  


Also, Happy April Fool's Day!  I am well rested and can now concoct a more elaborate joke for my loving husband (i already pretended to fall down the stairs by throwing a toy down and screaming~ that was a barely adequate return to his waking me up by screaming, 'oh my god, but there's a palmetto bug on your pillow!' needless to say, GAME ON!)
Enjoy your day!  Get and be gotten with love!