blame it on my ADD...

As a woman, but more specifically, as a mother, i am programmed to multi-task.  i check e-mail while stirring dinner on the stove.  i make phone calls while folding laundry.  i change the baby's diaper while talking my three-year-old through replacing the toilet paper roll.  i am constantly doing a hundred things at once.  and for this reason, i feel like i am not wholly doing one thing ever.
today, i came out of the baby's room (where i was simultaneously putting her in for a nap and reading a book to M) to find the dishwasher open and half full/or empty?!?  was i in the midst of filling it or emptying it?  there was a pile of laundry on the kitchen counter (my washer/dryer combo is virtually in the kitchen).  was it clean or dirty?  i had all the spices out on the other counter to start prepping my crock-pot dinner.  but along with the crock-pot, i had taken out all of my serving dishes.  the kitchen was a disaster.  why had i suddenly stopped everything i was doing in here to put the baby to sleep?  she hadn't even been crying...
my brain works in circles.  constant circles.  while i am in the middle of one (or several) tasks, i think about what i could be doing more effectively, time-wise.  i probably put something in the dishwasher that sparked a thought of, 'if i put the baby down now, i can more effectively finish these chores and be able to sit down quicker...' (HA! like that will ever happen!)


***ASIDE: i am adding this aside, because i think it is very fitting.  as i am typing this (hunched over at the kitchen island), i am stirring the beef broth and simmering the oil to add the beef cubes to in a minute.  i have already left the room twice to check on M (who is having a slumber party with a hundred stuffed animals in the living room) and to go back to my room to get something, of which i forgot by the time i got there...***


And, my point is?  i don't even remember.  just kidding.  i need to focus more.  i need to take on one task at a time, devote my full attention to it, complete it, and then move on.  i think i might just get more done in a more efficient manner if i do.  my goal for the rest of today is to do just that.  start AND finish each task at once.  if something else catches my attention, i am going to tell that thing to hold on!  and hopefully i will remember to un-hold it when i'm through.  i am off to start my day of new full-attention-span working.  i'll keep you posted (although not while i am working on something else) as to my success!

not as young as i used to be.

for as much fun as we had last night, and as young and carefree as i felt while i was out, i am paying for it today.  i am exhausted.  i am worn out and my brain hurts, as do my eye sockets.
long ago are the days when i could party till dawn, sleep two hours and wake up refreshed and ready to go with only a cup of coffee and a quick shower!  today, i drank nearly a pot of coffee, took a long shower, and tried to get on with my day.  which i did, of course, because i had to.  but i am already in bed (at 8:30!) and am actually going to go to sleep once i hit publish.  i need to recoup and i need to do it now!

AWOLNATION

i write the title in all caps because that's how they say it, but my God, this was how they sounded and my GOD, it was an all CAPS show!  and then Young the Giant played, and again, my GOD- they were SO much better live than their album, and this rarely occurs to me.  
if i were a rolling stones reporter rather than a stay-at-home mom, i might write something to the effect of, 'young the giant is a band that strives to be the love-child of the killers mixed with coldplay.'  if i were a rolling stones reporter rather than a stay-at-home mom, i might write that 'AWOLNATION is horribly underrated, as they mix all genres and sounds while making you feel like no one is watching you dance, but you should dance like no one is watching,'
but here i am, a stay-at-home mom rather than a rolling stone reporter and all i can really say is that P and i got a night out.  we saw amazing music.  we enjoyed a date.  and i feel lucky for all of this.
And if i were a rolling stone reporter, i'd feel grateful for the job that would give me the opportunity to tell about the bands i saw and how truly amazing watching live music really is.

gender roles...

i had once heard, or read, or saw on TV something about how a kid benefits from having both the maternal and paternal influences, hence having a mother and a father.  i can't for the life of me remember exactly what i was watching, reading, or listening to, so i can't remember if it was of some sort of religious bias that a child needs to have two parents, one of each sex; or if it was an environmental study showing what the effects of only having one or the other parent would have... i don't know.  
but tonight, as i watched my husband play with the baby, i thought about that thing i saw (or read, or listened to.)  i remembered it saying that a man brings competition, sport, etc. into play.  a woman brings nurturing, sensitivity, etc.  i know for a fact that this is not always the case.  i know that not ALL men have that competitive drive and not ALL women have a maternal soul.  i don't buy into stereotypes or grand classifications.  
but tonight, as i watched him play with our five month old, i noticed things that i don't do with her.  he had her standing up (obviously holding onto her) and he was encouraging her to 'walk', then 'crawl'.  all of it spurred on by, "come on.  you can do it."  he and my older daughter play sports and games and they yell about who's going to win and, "i'm gonna beat you!"  i rarely have these same exchanges with her.  and with the baby, i am all hugs and kisses and sweet little nothings into her ears.  with my three year old, i am encouraging and supportive, but in a completely different way.  
it was amazing to have these revelations tonight.  i think that there's got to be something said for their argument (they being the ones i have no memory of.)  that's not to say that i think a child can't be perfectly brought up by a single mother or a single father, or two mothers or two fathers for that matter.  my own father was predominantly raised by his mother and his aunt- his aunt having more cajones than most men i've met.  so, it obviously comes down to you, the parent, and they type you are.  but i thought it was neat to recount this tonight, as i watched him play with our girls.  giving them an edge to life that i had not even known was missing from me.

to do, and do, and do...

So, I wrote a To Do list tonight (or am still mentally compiling it as i begin to write this, because i really do think i really do have ADD, after-all.)
it includes, but is not limited to the following:
- Go to BJs to replace all of the meats i had to throw out last week (and buy diapers, of course);
- Call the Y to book swim lessons;
- Go to Y to replace lost Y card (different location than above, hence taking up two spots on my to-do list);
- Call two dentists to book three appts;
- Call Family Photographer to confirm photo session in a few weeks;
- Call TV place who i am fed up to my eyeballs with because i am entering week two of empty promises and i want my damn blu ray player;
- Call my doc for an annual visit;
- Call the vet for two annual appts for two animals i can't stand;
- Empty and clean out the cat litter box (of the cat i can't stand);
- Bring the two huge bags in my trunk to goodwill;
- Bring the baby bathtub to storage and pick up the other baby bath seat;
- Return four library books, renew one library book, return dvd (that we had to rent in place of the blu ray we had intended to rent before finding out the blu ray that they were one week late in installing was not, in fact, compatible with our system.  the system they double-checked before ordering the blu ray that was to go with our system);
- Book rental car for my husband;
- Buy a new digital camera (since i am in week three without one and my phone does not take good pics in its place);
- Back-up laptop (to ensure i do save the pictures i do have)...


i think that's it.  somewhere in that i also have plans to work out, run, meet up with friends and attend story-time, play group, soccer practice and possibly a first friday art crawl on friday night.  actually, as i re-glance at the list, at least ten of the above need to be done tomorrow.  gotta love mondays!

back to the drawing board...

the baby woke up around 2:00a.m. last night (this morning).  she did not go back to sleep before 6:30a.m.  i was wide awake with her for the whole four and a half hours.  it was not fun or pretty.  she was clearly in pain.  whatever is going on with her stomach is not getting any better.
so, i woke up this morning (after finally sleeping from 6:30 to 9:30), and decided that things need to change- drastically.  we've been using zantac for acid reflux since monday- this gave us one good night in five.  when she was younger, i cut dairy out of my diet (which i had to do for M, also.)  it didn't seem to change anything for B a few months ago, but i have to try again.  i have to figure out why my child screams like she's being seared; why she arches her back and thrashes around in agony-  many times a night.  why?  why?  why?
so, it's back to the drawing board.  i have had no dairy today, and plan to go at least two weeks without it before deciding whether or not that is the problem.  i am going to buy the non-dairy formula tomorrow and get her to start taking a bottle more regularly, in case i need to ween her- in case i can't figure out what in my diet is causing this.  or what it is at all?
we saw a gastro specialist with M, and i'm prepared to see her again.  but i cannot go one more day without trying as much as i possibly can.  because i don't believe this is just colic or simply gas.  this is something deeper and harder.  and as much as i hate not sleeping, i hate seeing her in pain- i hate it and i am vowing to figure this out, to fix her... soon.  hopefully.  very soon.

music...

so, music is ruling my world these days, which, if you know me (and i'm assuming you do, if you're reading this), you know is not that out of the norm.  but my household is letting music rule and that is making me a happy mama!  tonight, M asked our friend if he was in the Ramones (he is not, but his name happens to be Ramon, so i could understand the confusion).  she also had friends over for a "dance party" and showed off her break-dancing moves!  it was marvelous!
we have also watched youtube almost non-stop (music videos- you name the song, we've probably watched it!)  I turned on nickjr. the other day, and she turned the tv off right behind me.  she said she wanted to listen to music.  YEAH!  i love this kid!  
i am, currently, listening to a super cool mix i made this afternoon.  out of 60+ songs, i tried to blend my songs with a few of M's favorites (and i added in three songs for my husband- yes, i am that nice!)
i am sitting here now listening.  
and loving music.  and life.  and margaritas!