I am reading a book that i have hated, then loved, then hated, and now i have decided could possibly be one of my favorite books... those damn writers always keeping us on our toes.
one of the chapters of this book reminded me of why i had ever written in the first place. it shook my ever last nerve and made me feel something... anything. and if any of you read this chapter, you may see some similarity here- i, by no means, mean to copy, but i am writing from example.
i wake up; i hear singing coming from my daughter's room; i smile before my eyes have had chance to rise; i hear the baby say "mama" and i melt, even if it is the forty-fifth time she has said it in one minute. it drives me crazy to hear whining, but it breaks my heart to hear a cry. i can't stand to walk in to a mess, but i am the first to blow off cleaning if it means we can do something fun together.
my heart did a fox trot tonight when M asked if we could just snuggle one more minute... of course my brain knew she was master-minding the night by tricking me. but, i love when my heart beats out my mind.
the baby is cracking me up lately. her personality is one i have never encountered before. she is super tough- like a monster truck crushing 20 old-fashioned cars in a row. yet, she'll turn and lift her hands to her forehead in dismay as if she may just faint, and i wonder if Scarlett O'hara has just entered the 21st century.
and while i'm writing, on a tangent, no less...
i am everywhere and nowhere, as usual. i have big plans with no motivation, or no plans and a will to plow. maybe the two will never combine, except on the rare nights that i have like tonight. when i see my children and want to cry and scream and tell the entire world how amazing they are! truly, AMAZING! and i am, literally, coming off of an afternoon where i was near tears wanting to have traded them in for a barrel of hay (ok, not really hay... my writer's words are gone. it happens. just. like. that.)
i guess i am truly in awe by this world of motherhood. in all of my years, and all that i have felt, and seen, and done, and thought... NOTHING could have ever prepared me for this role. and, for that, i am truly grateful!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
It was a Great Day!
I had no idea that almost two months could pass so quickly. But as i logged on here tonight, i realized that it's been just that long since i last wrote. I missed my anniversary of starting this crazy project. A project that had gone pretty well for a really long time. Oh well. I'll keep trying.
Today was a day i felt i could write about, or should write about. So, in as few words as i can find (because otherwise this would turn into my first novel), here it is:
I took the girls to the story-time at our neighborhood library. This is one of our favorite outings, so i actually looked very forward to it. The story-time was fine (besides B trying to feed babies her cheese puffs and then fighting with her sister for a ball- violently.)
Afterwards was not so fun. I let the kids pick out their books to take out. M picked four. B picked out about 30. Half of which i was able to quickly replace, but while searching for the author of one (since i'm anal and really do try to put the books back exactly where they came from), she took off and scattered books throughout the (thankfully small) children's section.
After the library de-shelfing/re-shelfing occurrence, we had to cross a pretty major intersection to go to another bookstore before heading home. The baby (who is now almost 17 months old and truly thinks she runs the world, which she actually may someday, so i try to stay on her good side) did not want to hold my hand. Obviously, this was non-negotiable, but it ended with me carrying her potato-sack-style under one arm, while holding M's hand and running across the street. I can't even begin to wonder what we looked like. Actually, I am guessing we looked like a mom with one well-behaved child and one headstrong toddler.
Once we finally got back home (after fighting with B to really NOT pet the nasty cat in the bookstore, where there are signs all over saying, "Do not pet the cat, she's nasty" and then trying to keep her from playing with the antique cars they also had on display. as you may guess, this store is not meant for kids...), i had to make lunch quickly because i needed to get the baby down for a nap, because if she god-forbid goes down a minute too late, our entire afternoon is ruined. M asked me, "where's lunch?" the entire time i made lunch (fun times.) Nick Jr. has changed its line-up, which really shouldn't affect people as devastatingly as it has us, but it has. and it continues to. The kids' channel removed its two main characters who have been teaching my children for the last 4 1/2 years. So, my 4 1/2 year old keeps asking me if Moose and Zee (said characters) are dead. AND, worse than that, my tivo cannot seem to find Wow, Wow Wubbzy (our absolutely favorite show in the universe that gives mommy exactly 23 minutes of silence during the day... okay, sometimes i take 46 and play two in a row...) At this point in my day, i wanted to scream, "CALGON- TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!"
However, i got the baby to sleep at an acceptable time, and she managed to sleep 3 + hours (which was scarily wonderful for all of us!) Instead of doing the thirty-five things on my to-do list, M and i played outside in the gorgeous weather. I began weeding the garden to rid it of the onion grass that overtakes it each year (and she began planting the "beautiful bulbs" she kept finding on the steps! imagine that!) We spray painted a ton of things green to get ready for St. Paddy's Day, and she created a few fun and creative projects for herself (chalkboard paint on an old peanut butter jar will turn into her keepsake bin that she can draw on!)
All of this came to an end with a long and splashy bath (the baby woke up just in time to jump right in- literally!) My kids LOVE bath-time! They can soak and play for well over an hour, but i try to curb it before they turn into complete prunes!
We continued the day with a wonderful Cuban meal of Ropa Vieja, Tostones, and rice! If only i had thought to make this last week when i found the loaves of Cuban Bread at the store, my heavenly manna would have been complete! Oh well, next time. We've decided to try to keep up with making a Cuban dish at least once a week. I may have to run and exercise much more to keep this up, because i ate more than two full helpings of everything tonight! I'm not sure if i loved the food or the smells of my grandfather's kitchen more. Either way, it was great!
The night came to a crashing halt at bedtime, when we realized that M had a splinter in her foot (poor girl got it when we were gardening- many hours earlier.) She has this innate fear of tweezers. She seriously lost her mind when i even mentioned the potential splinter, and it turned into a 45 minute ordeal (a new word she learned tonight) of her screaming, crying, sweating, getting hives down her neck and shoulders, and kicking not just me, but also my husband in a not-so-pleasant place. again, it was an ordeal. I finally got the little bugger out by 9:00, and she fell fast asleep shortly after.
I am happily going to sleep now. It was a great day. A typical day (have you missed this in our two month hiatus?!?) A day in the life of us. Good night!
Today was a day i felt i could write about, or should write about. So, in as few words as i can find (because otherwise this would turn into my first novel), here it is:
I took the girls to the story-time at our neighborhood library. This is one of our favorite outings, so i actually looked very forward to it. The story-time was fine (besides B trying to feed babies her cheese puffs and then fighting with her sister for a ball- violently.)
Afterwards was not so fun. I let the kids pick out their books to take out. M picked four. B picked out about 30. Half of which i was able to quickly replace, but while searching for the author of one (since i'm anal and really do try to put the books back exactly where they came from), she took off and scattered books throughout the (thankfully small) children's section.
After the library de-shelfing/re-shelfing occurrence, we had to cross a pretty major intersection to go to another bookstore before heading home. The baby (who is now almost 17 months old and truly thinks she runs the world, which she actually may someday, so i try to stay on her good side) did not want to hold my hand. Obviously, this was non-negotiable, but it ended with me carrying her potato-sack-style under one arm, while holding M's hand and running across the street. I can't even begin to wonder what we looked like. Actually, I am guessing we looked like a mom with one well-behaved child and one headstrong toddler.
Once we finally got back home (after fighting with B to really NOT pet the nasty cat in the bookstore, where there are signs all over saying, "Do not pet the cat, she's nasty" and then trying to keep her from playing with the antique cars they also had on display. as you may guess, this store is not meant for kids...), i had to make lunch quickly because i needed to get the baby down for a nap, because if she god-forbid goes down a minute too late, our entire afternoon is ruined. M asked me, "where's lunch?" the entire time i made lunch (fun times.) Nick Jr. has changed its line-up, which really shouldn't affect people as devastatingly as it has us, but it has. and it continues to. The kids' channel removed its two main characters who have been teaching my children for the last 4 1/2 years. So, my 4 1/2 year old keeps asking me if Moose and Zee (said characters) are dead. AND, worse than that, my tivo cannot seem to find Wow, Wow Wubbzy (our absolutely favorite show in the universe that gives mommy exactly 23 minutes of silence during the day... okay, sometimes i take 46 and play two in a row...) At this point in my day, i wanted to scream, "CALGON- TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!"
However, i got the baby to sleep at an acceptable time, and she managed to sleep 3 + hours (which was scarily wonderful for all of us!) Instead of doing the thirty-five things on my to-do list, M and i played outside in the gorgeous weather. I began weeding the garden to rid it of the onion grass that overtakes it each year (and she began planting the "beautiful bulbs" she kept finding on the steps! imagine that!) We spray painted a ton of things green to get ready for St. Paddy's Day, and she created a few fun and creative projects for herself (chalkboard paint on an old peanut butter jar will turn into her keepsake bin that she can draw on!)
All of this came to an end with a long and splashy bath (the baby woke up just in time to jump right in- literally!) My kids LOVE bath-time! They can soak and play for well over an hour, but i try to curb it before they turn into complete prunes!
We continued the day with a wonderful Cuban meal of Ropa Vieja, Tostones, and rice! If only i had thought to make this last week when i found the loaves of Cuban Bread at the store, my heavenly manna would have been complete! Oh well, next time. We've decided to try to keep up with making a Cuban dish at least once a week. I may have to run and exercise much more to keep this up, because i ate more than two full helpings of everything tonight! I'm not sure if i loved the food or the smells of my grandfather's kitchen more. Either way, it was great!
The night came to a crashing halt at bedtime, when we realized that M had a splinter in her foot (poor girl got it when we were gardening- many hours earlier.) She has this innate fear of tweezers. She seriously lost her mind when i even mentioned the potential splinter, and it turned into a 45 minute ordeal (a new word she learned tonight) of her screaming, crying, sweating, getting hives down her neck and shoulders, and kicking not just me, but also my husband in a not-so-pleasant place. again, it was an ordeal. I finally got the little bugger out by 9:00, and she fell fast asleep shortly after.
I am happily going to sleep now. It was a great day. A typical day (have you missed this in our two month hiatus?!?) A day in the life of us. Good night!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Lists, lists, lists.
It's the New Year. This, for me, equals lists. I began making lists a few days before Christmas, and i assume i'll continue through at least February. I have lists for the goals of the new year, lists for groceries, lists for thank-you's i need to send, lists for pictures i need to print, lists for things i'd like to buy for the house, lists for things i need to do to the house, lists on how to save money, lists on how to spend time, lists that remind me to make lists...
tonight, though, i have compiled two lists. fun lists! one for the home store where i got a very nice gift card to, and one for the craft store where i got another nice gift card to! i am very excited to shop tomorrow without spending a dime! And i am excited to spice up my kitchen with a new menu board (menus- another list i need to make!) and hopefully some more great craft items to continue being able to make crafts on a whim at home!
that's it for tonight. i am off to pin ideas on pinterest.com and catch up on my tivo while my husband puts to kids to bed, and i sip on a glass of wine! (and that may just be the topper of my "HOPES" for the new year list- horray!)
tonight, though, i have compiled two lists. fun lists! one for the home store where i got a very nice gift card to, and one for the craft store where i got another nice gift card to! i am very excited to shop tomorrow without spending a dime! And i am excited to spice up my kitchen with a new menu board (menus- another list i need to make!) and hopefully some more great craft items to continue being able to make crafts on a whim at home!
that's it for tonight. i am off to pin ideas on pinterest.com and catch up on my tivo while my husband puts to kids to bed, and i sip on a glass of wine! (and that may just be the topper of my "HOPES" for the new year list- horray!)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Into the Great Wide Open...
As many of you who know me know, i have always been a bit obsessed with the more macabre side of life. I think about death, after-death, life after death, life in the midst of death, dead people... well, you get the point. This morning, as i was washing the dishes and soaking up the fresh air flowing through the windows of the nearly sixty degree day outside, i started thinking about what people would say about me after i die. hopefully it will be happy things...
i began thinking about the people that i have known who have died, and what everyone's reactions were like. one of my first real experiences with death was at 15. a girl i was friends with died of a ruptured brain aneurism. I will never, for as long as i live, forget the phone call that came in from my also 15-year-old friend. I still shudder to think about those days- wandering the halls of high school as if we were the corpses, and not the living left behind. Next was a boy i had grown up with. He took his own life when we were in our early twenties. I wasn't close to him then, and had probably not seen him since before we all went away to college, but i had known him and his family my whole life. that was another rough couple of days, another round of phone calls that i will never forget. There were other more intense visits from the reaper, but i'm not going to get into all of those today (i am in a good mood, after-all!)
fast forward ten years and here i am, sitting around thinking of LC again. Another life taken, another world rocked. another collection of e-mails, texts, and phone calls i will never forget. and i think about her funeral- how wonderful it was (if one can dare call a funeral wonderful?) how uplifting and positive the messages were. how loved she was by the world. i hope that the thoughts people have about me after my time has come can be even half as loving as they were about her.
that's where this whole thought process actually began- that i hope i am living a life that will be worthy of praise once i'm gone. i try to be a good and moral person. i try to be helpful and kind to others. i care about my family and friends, and i hope that always shows. i want people to talk about me with high regards when i'm gone.
what will people say about you when you're gone? are you living a life worthy of praise? i wonder if we all lived our life thinking about that, the world may just turn a bit smoother sometimes!
i began thinking about the people that i have known who have died, and what everyone's reactions were like. one of my first real experiences with death was at 15. a girl i was friends with died of a ruptured brain aneurism. I will never, for as long as i live, forget the phone call that came in from my also 15-year-old friend. I still shudder to think about those days- wandering the halls of high school as if we were the corpses, and not the living left behind. Next was a boy i had grown up with. He took his own life when we were in our early twenties. I wasn't close to him then, and had probably not seen him since before we all went away to college, but i had known him and his family my whole life. that was another rough couple of days, another round of phone calls that i will never forget. There were other more intense visits from the reaper, but i'm not going to get into all of those today (i am in a good mood, after-all!)
fast forward ten years and here i am, sitting around thinking of LC again. Another life taken, another world rocked. another collection of e-mails, texts, and phone calls i will never forget. and i think about her funeral- how wonderful it was (if one can dare call a funeral wonderful?) how uplifting and positive the messages were. how loved she was by the world. i hope that the thoughts people have about me after my time has come can be even half as loving as they were about her.
that's where this whole thought process actually began- that i hope i am living a life that will be worthy of praise once i'm gone. i try to be a good and moral person. i try to be helpful and kind to others. i care about my family and friends, and i hope that always shows. i want people to talk about me with high regards when i'm gone.
what will people say about you when you're gone? are you living a life worthy of praise? i wonder if we all lived our life thinking about that, the world may just turn a bit smoother sometimes!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Welcome, 2012!
It seems like months since i have written, but i found myself very reflective tonight, so i decided to give it another go. Today is the first day of the new year. As most of us do, i have been thinking about the last year and gearing up for the new one. 2011 was not the best year to date, in fact, a lot of crappy things happened. But, all in all, i can only be thankful that i have my family (less one- Kitty) and friends (less one- LC) and our health.
I am excited to start this new year with a heart full of positivity. I refuse to allow anything negative to enter these four walls (of my body, mind, house, and home.) We're done with that. The new rule in my house is happiness- through and through. Happiness and Hope. I have such high high hopes for this year, and i somehow just know that this will truly be a remarkable one.
I wish all of you out there the same Hopes and Happiness that is spreading rapidly through my life! Good luck making and keeping your goals and/or resolutions! Maybe i will even visit this blog more than once every so often again!
I am excited to start this new year with a heart full of positivity. I refuse to allow anything negative to enter these four walls (of my body, mind, house, and home.) We're done with that. The new rule in my house is happiness- through and through. Happiness and Hope. I have such high high hopes for this year, and i somehow just know that this will truly be a remarkable one.
I wish all of you out there the same Hopes and Happiness that is spreading rapidly through my life! Good luck making and keeping your goals and/or resolutions! Maybe i will even visit this blog more than once every so often again!
Friday, December 9, 2011
the magic of it all!
The world spins easier when children are at the helm. Or at least so i believe. christmas is no exception to this rule. my most favorite holiday has only become more entrancing and magical as i live it through the eyes of my children. watching their eyes brighten at the stories of santa claus, st. nick, or kris kringle make my eyes twice as bright. watching their mouths gape at the beauty of seven million twinkling lights as we drive trough christmastown makes my mouth smile wider. hearing the innocence of joy and the magnitude of magic as we explain the meaning behind it all, standing in front of a live Nativity (camel and all) in my four-year-old's voice saying, "this is awesome!" can only make it all that much more joyful and magical for me!
i am so thankful for the joys of christmas, and this year (and i imagine every year here-after), i am eternally more grateful. the magic of christmas was never lost on me as a child, even to the later years of my life, but i feel like there is nothing more magical and more "believable" now than a giant old man who rewards goodness with special secret gifts! and if it truly were a rewarding process, my darling M would have gold and silver, and every other valuable thing in existence under her tree! she is the epitome of good, and i am so blessed to have her! i, of course, am blessed with my youngest B, although she may be seeing some coal sooner in her life than anyone else i could imagine! she tests me to the nth degree, but then she smiles and snuggles and it melts my heart in a million different pieces. she even said, "light" tonight... one of her first 'real' words!
i hope you all are enjoying this christmas season. i know it's hard to remember the beauty when there is shopping, baking, cleaning, sweeping (at least in my house- pine needles EVERYWHERE!), etc. to be done... but i hope you can look into the eyes of your children, or the children around you and remember that christmas is about giving the greatest gift of all- love, and about experiencing it in the eyes of innocence, joy and beauty! enjoy!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
heart-touching
it's almost 2:00 a.m. and the baby is screaming, P is snoring, and i can't quite bring myself together to be much more than breathing. i am writing for half a second, only because i came on here because i had a completely different thought to share, one that wouldn't take me more than four seconds to type out... but now, i am going to have to run to the kitchen to get some milk. i'll have to try to remember what i wanted to say for maybe tomorrow, only knowing much too well tat i won't remember, and tomorrow's thoughts won't be the same.
but for now, the baby is still screaming and it is 2:02 a.m. i can't afford to have one more child wake up, so i must go to save the screaming one!
but for now, the baby is still screaming and it is 2:02 a.m. i can't afford to have one more child wake up, so i must go to save the screaming one!
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